so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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