I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
