I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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