Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
