I seem to have left my pride at pride
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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