The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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