Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
