Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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