there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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