Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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