I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go