dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...