I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie