Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(737): View more from Texas

and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

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(737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3

Replies (59) Good night (4632) Bad night (1132)
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(314): View more from Missouri

There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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(314): There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already. http://tfl.nu/afo0

Replies (14) Good night (4860) Bad night (994)
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(440): View more from Ohio

vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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(440): vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night? http://tfl.nu/3xi4

Replies (10) Good night (1012) Bad night (2726)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.

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(847): I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor. http://tfl.nu/d172

Replies (9) Good night (1013) Bad night (563)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers

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(905): I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers http://tfl.nu/jbgt

Replies (5) Good night (1105) Bad night (457)
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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you

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(586): I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you http://tfl.nu/0vyd

Replies (4) Good night (1256) Bad night (381)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.

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(617): The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie. http://tfl.nu/3kb9

Replies (16) Good night (1363) Bad night (565)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell

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(775): He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/4swv

Replies (11) Good night (2123) Bad night (562)
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(312): View more from Illinois

If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.

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(312): If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/vx4i

Replies (4) Good night (1172) Bad night (424)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby

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(403): Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby http://tfl.nu/ngks

Replies (0) Good night (266) Bad night (407)
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(540): View more from Virginia

He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.

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(540): He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog. http://tfl.nu/zanv

Replies (0) Good night (352) Bad night (489)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick

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(215): He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick http://tfl.nu/9d7z

Replies (1) Good night (360) Bad night (496)
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(858): View more from California

He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone

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(858): He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone http://tfl.nu/52cs

Replies (8) Good night (1220) Bad night (316)
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(904): View more from Florida

I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.

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(904): I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day. http://tfl.nu/ua14

Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (224)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework

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(412): I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework http://tfl.nu/y1ir

Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (209)

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