i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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