Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
