Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
