I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
