my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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