He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
