Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
