I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
