I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize