You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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