HIV tests are more positive than that guy
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
