Even the bartender felt bad for me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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