Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
