I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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