I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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