You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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