I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
