dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
