i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
