So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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