hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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