this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize