just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
