you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
