Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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