She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
