oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize