Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
