I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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