Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I look better un-naked...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
