One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Enjoy the penises
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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