For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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