I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
