yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
