I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
