I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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