You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
