I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
