Sorry, I don't speak sober.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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