we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
