Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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