Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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