She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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