she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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