Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
