I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
