Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
