and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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