i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
