Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I deserve this hangover.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
