her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
