you win again, gameday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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